Self Esteem

Meeting new friends comes naturally to many people. But probably not you, if you're reading this. Here are five exercises designed to help you push the envelope and overcome social anxiety.

Word of advice: I put techniques and states of mind together here. That's because you need both. Perhaps less of one and more of the other, as the case may be, but it's good to look through everything.

1. The Air Sword

This here is a little technique I picked up from a blog I read a long time ago, whose name escapes me.

Basically, you imagine (Just imagine. Don't actually do this or you'll make an awkward situation worse.) having a sword with the hilt pointing at your neck with the blade targeting whatever you want to do. Then, you (in your imagination) grab the sword.

And... Boom! Instant confidence! I'm not entirely sure why it works the way it does, but I've been using it for quite a while and it works quite well.

A little bit of context so you know how it's used:

Too scared to talk to the girl at the bar? Air sword! Friend dares you to do something scary? Air sword! Main character in a play and you've got stage fright? Air sword!

It's a one-size-its-all technique, and you'll find more and more situations where it'll work if you keep it in mind.

2. Conversation Flow

You may not have noticed, but there's a bit of an art to how awkward silences are avoided by confident people, and it's emulatable.

After the beginning sentence, you want to analyze each word in the sentence for a new topic. Basically you look at each word to see if it reminds you of anything that would make a good conversation. Old flames, random facts, plans, it doesn't matter. Most people don't talk about very important things, but somehow that improves relationships anyway.

Take the example of, "Hey, you see the ball game last night?". We have a childish sex joke ("Balls, hehehe."), games (video games, other sports, etc) or what you did last night, in addition to the main topic of "the ball game".

This is actually how most non-awkward people's thought processes go, at least subconsciously, when having a conversation. Practice enough, and it'll be subconscious for you too.

3. Accept Rejection

Of course no one likes being rejected, that's a part of what rejection is; but it's a natural part of life and you shouldn't let it get to you. Let's break this down, because there's a lot to explain:
Don't talk yourself down just because someone else did! Learn from the mistake, whatever it was, and move on. Nobody ever got anywhere by moping around.Take into account the matter of timing. "Now's not a good time for me" does NOT imply "And it never will be." Scientists may always plan for the worst case scenario, but that doesn't mean it's what you should expect.Everyone get's rejected at some point or another. Natural part of life, remember? You can always take solace in a trusted friend, because they've probably gone through it too.Don't stop trying. Y'know how authors always have to get bounced around from publisher to publisher trying to sell their story? It's like that; don't get discouraged after one shot!Taking it personally is no way to go. Who knows what the other person is going through? It might actually be out of their hands.Get your mind off it. Go watch some YouTube videos or something. Play games, go out, eat. Treat yourself! Balance out your mood.

And if you keep all that in mind, then who know, maybe your rejection will end up as a good thing? When one door closes...

4. The Mirror Model

Ever have to wonder what your conversation partner is thinking of you? Whether or not you're starting to bug them out or depress them?

Here's another tip I picked up from a blog in the foggy recesses of history: the mirror model. What it states is that for every emotion you feel, the person you're talking to is feeling the exact same thing.

If you say something that makes you feel awkward, they're definitely going to feel awkward too. If you say something that makes you smile, they'll smile too, even if they sometimes don't get the joke. They might not realize why, but it's because of subconscious cues that our bodies make without anybody noticing.

5. Don't Give Up

Giving up is turning back on the road of self-improvement. It's the opposite of progress. You're losing your battle with your shyness.
When you turn your back on something that makes you shy, you're just letting it win. Turn back and grab the bull by the horns.Ask yourself why a situation would make you feel shy. If you can find the root cause of the problem, you can cure it and the symptoms.Remember the other tips, y'know, one through four. As long as you have these crutches, you'll be able to walk out of any situation unscathed.You'll eventually be so practiced with these techniques that you won't even need them anymore. Imagine, freedom!It's incredibly sad how many people give up when they're on the verge of a breakthrough and don't even know it. Don't let that happen to you. Look around every corner, walk the whole path. You'll look back at all the places you were about to give up and laugh.

All in all, it's what we do that counts, our actions. You'll never get anywhere without putting these techniques into effect. The next time you talk to anyone, keep these in mind.

To get more articles by Clint Marcus, visit his blog today at http://www.crushshyness.com/.

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