Self Esteem

It may seem impossible to overcome self pity once you're in that negative place where things all seem to be piling up and going wrong and there doesn't appear to be a solution. It is not impossible. It is possible. You can reset the negative emotions you feel and gather your energy and go on to fight another day.

Self pity is a vicious cycle of thinking and worrying and thinking and worrying, usually mulling over mistakes of the past and not being able to break out of that loop and find new solutions and new energy. It is a mental place of being stuck. Like a car tire in the mud or a skip on a record album, you're not moving forward. To get unstuck you have to approach the problem differently. The key is finding new energy and finding a new way to look at the problems at hand.

The most powerful solution is a physical one - get physically active. When we're having a pity party and mentally exhausting ourselves, doing a physical activity is the last thing that sounds good but it will help the most. Physical activity that raises the heart rate and gets the blood pumping floods your neurotransmitters with serotonin and dopamine, which cause you to feel happier. It's like an automatic reset switch on your brain and all you need to do is run, walk briskly, swim, jump up and down, just shake up that body and physically jar it out of the rut. Many other positive things happen during exercise that increase mental capacity and problem solving. In other words, physical activity makes you smart!

Along with the increase in physical activity, try to lead your mental activity along a more positive path. Be careful of the questions you ask. Our brain is a powerful computer and what you ask is what it will focus on answering. If you ask "Why am I such a failure?", your brain will get to work on answering that exact question! Answers may be "Because I can't get anything right." or "Because I never had a chance from the beginning." and on and on. You can increase the feelings of pity and sadness by asking that kind of question. Instead, ask a new question. Ask yourself "What can I do to improve my life?" or "How can I feel better and be more productive today?" Your brain works just as hard on those questions and will give you answers that are much more useful!

Another way to guide your brain is to purposely change the subject. Instead of dwelling on all the things that have gone wrong or are going wrong, force yourself to make lists of what is going right. This creates gratitude and it is a powerful weapon in fighting off pity. Even when it seems that nothing is going right - start with anything at all you can think of. Be grateful for a single breath, or one single person in your life. Start there and build your list. Everything you can think of, add it to the list and review the list every time you feel yourself slipping back into the dark place of self pity.

Whenever possible, try to walk or be active physically while going through your Gratitude List in your mind. The two are very powerful together!

Another physical tip is 'Fake it till you Make it' which means check your body and ask yourself does it give off the message of energy and success or one of failure and negativity? Stand tall, take deep breaths, and very importantly - look UP. Smile. Even if you do not feel happy or positive, the simple act of forcing yourself to look up instead of down at the ground and forcing a smile on your face actually changes thought patterns in your brain and starts new energy forming.

Give these ideas a solid try and you should find that you are able to overcome self pity!

Get more help to overcome self pity and find out how you can stop yourself from wallowing in self pity.

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Many individuals have overcome shyness by learning how to communicate better. Now, you can, too! Have you ever stepped into an area full of people who you were not familiar with and felt a bit awkward or self-conscious? Do you experience bouts of anxiety when faced with situations that require you to be social? Are there people you want to talk to or activities that you want to take part in, but hold back due to some unspoken insecurity? If so, you are experiencing shyness. You may be introverted or extraverted. It really does not matter. We all experience bouts of shyness to one degree or another within our lifetime. Did you know that it is possible to successfully engage in overcoming shyness by simply learning how to communicate better? In this guide, you will learn some important facts and strategies that will allow you to eliminate the "shell" that may be holding you back in your personal and professional life.

According to professionals in social psychology, being shy means that an individual experiences apprehension or feelings of discomfort and/or awkwardness when in the same area as others, or when approached by other people. These feelings are often enhanced when in social situations, unfamiliar locations or around people who are unfamiliar. While it is common for everyone to experience shyness at least once in their life to a small degree, many individuals experience it to such a high degree that it results in social anxiety and/or phobias related to social situations, events and experiences. In its most severe forms, individuals that experience shyness may find that it interferes with their personal and professional relationships and hinders them to one degree or another. While many refer to therapy and even anti-anxiety medications to overcome shyness, simply learning to communicate better has also been found to be an effective strategy in overcoming shyness. Not only is this strategy less expensive than therapy and medication, it is also much safer.

When learning to communicate better in order to overcome shyness, it is important to understand the main root causes associated with shyness. The first potential cause is a low self-image. The second root cause is a high pre-occupation with what we are doing, thinking and feeling. The third is engaging in the act of labeling yourself as shy. When learning to communicate better, you will discover that you should not and are not expected to take full responsibility for the conversations that you engage in with others. Communication is an act of expressing thoughts, feelings, ideas and emotions with others while receiving information from that person in return, and vice versa. By simply avoiding taking full responsibility for the conversation and knowing that all the attention is not just on you, you will be taking large strides in overcoming shyness due to insecurities. Remember, the person you are communicating with is likely just as nervous as you are.

In order to communicate better, you must know what the person you are talking to is most interested in. I know this sounds challenging, but it is really quite simple - they are most interested in themselves and what they consider to be important to them. Remember to use the other person's name frequently and ask a lot of questions. Allow the other person to communicate freely and openly about what they want to express to you. Remember to listen and place the emphasis on the person that you are speaking to. By taking these steps, you are taking the pressure and focus off of yourself and inadvertently placing it on them - which should increase your self-confidence and motivation. This will make you an attractive person to talk to and interact with. Overcoming shyness does not have to be a challenging endeavor. Simply take the focus away from your negative thoughts about yourself and your insecurities and place it on the person you are talking with. It is then that you will truly start to communicate better.

For more information about practical ways to communicate better to overcome shyness and get personalised communication skills training visit http://www.conversationstarters.biz/

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Shyness happens to us all at times. Maybe it's an unfamiliar situation that causes us to become shy. Or maybe we've used shyness as a defence mechanism to stop our feelings getting hurt. Whatever the reason, there are times when you need to learn to overcome your shyness so that you can live a fuller life. Here are five tips you can start using straight away.

1. Find a way to feel more comfortable

Sometimes our shyness is just the outcome of us feeling uncomfortable. It's not called a comfort zone for nothing - we all have boundaries that we prefer to keep inside, even seemingly successful people.

If your shyness is just the outward sign of you feeling uncomfortable, you need to find a way to either avoid the situation altogether or stretch your comfort zone so that you're no longer shy and retiring in that situation.

2. Pretend you're an actor

Actors are often deeply shy. Whilst there are exceptions, you only have to watch some of them when they're being interviewed by reporters to see that they are barely literate without a script. In fact, they can be quite disappointing to watch when they're not acting out a role.

Flipping that idea round means that you could pretend you're an actor when you're in a situation that causes you to feel shy. Act your way out of it - literally.

3. Relax and smile

Shyness causes most people to tense up.

Other people around you will sense that and will start to do things that accentuate your shyness. Often completely unintentionally.

So relax a bit - shake your arms and legs when you're out of sight in the hallway or restroom to quite literally shake the tenseness out of your body.

And force a smile onto your face - you'll find that other people will naturally become more welcoming when you do this, which will help your shyness to melt away.

4. Stand up straight

Your posture makes a big difference.

Standing up straight automatically boosts your confidence levels - it sounds weird but when you try this you'll see that it really does change how you feel.

It also gives you more of an air of authority. People see you, see a confident pose, and act accordingly. Which is to treat you with a bit more friendliness mixed with respect. In turn, this will help reduce your shyness without you needing to do much else.

5. Go thrill seeking

This isn't something that you can do every day but you can certainly do it every now and then.

It could be a roller coaster that you've never plucked up the courage to ride. It could be a ride in a speed boat or a fast bike or car. The adrenalin rush will spill over into how you feel and whilst you're on an endorphin high after the thrill you've experienced your shyness will have left you completely.

Of course, it's great if you can find a way to anchor that feeling - you can do this as simply as squeezing something like your thumb and middle finger together when you're experiencing the thrill and then re-squeezing them to bring back the thrill. It sounds odd but it works nicely.

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