Self Esteem

"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's funny how we've spent our whole life with ourselves, but sometimes the person in the mirror can be the hardest one to get to know. And it goes without saying that it's difficult to truly appreciate something or someone you don't understand. When building confidence and self-esteem, the single most important thing you can do is to rebuild the internal relationship that you have with yourself. Numbers speak volume and it's difficult for negativity to go up against the positive power of Me, Myself and I.

Before diving into how to get to know yourself better and reconstructing self-trust, it's important to begin by making a commitment to stand by the single person who has a hand in all of your decisions, you. Here is an Affirmation of Inner Beauty taken from The Seeds of Beauty, to remind you of the relationship you must continually build with yourself no matter what your stage in life.

[Speak Your Name],

To you, I will never be a fair weather friend.

When you are afraid, I will give you the courage to step forward,

If ever you make a mistake, I will never lose faith in you.

And when you begin to doubt how beautiful you are, I will remind you.

Today and every day I promise to always stand by you.

You are me. I am you.

I Love You.

Print this affirmation and post it in a visible place within your office or home.

It comes as no surprise that building a positive self-esteem starts with getting to know yourself again and this will require that you regularly devote some down-time to spend with yourself. What's your favorite movie, place to visit or song to listen to? Set aside time in your schedule to do these things. Fall in love with who you are by supporting yourself and bringing out the best in you through your interests.

What can action steps can I take to build a better relationship with myself?

When we're on a date and getting to know someone, the first thing we do is ask questions. So why not do the same for yourself? Start by asking yourself the following:

What values are important to me?What are my dreams for the future?What makes me afraid?What do I dislike?How do I envision myself to be?The thing that would mean the most to me right now is...

The key is to be honest in your answers. Pay attention to your likes/dislikes. What things are hardest for you to admit to yourself?

After letting myself down so many times in the past, I struggle with trusting myself. What can I do to reconnect?

Reconnecting to who you are and building a better relationship with yourself begins with forgiveness. We all make mistakes and if you hold your mistakes over your head like a guillotine ready to punish you the each time you make a mistake, you do yourself more harm than good. Take a blank sheet of paper and fill in the following sentence:

I forgive myself for...
List out every misstep that has made you angry, every mistake that has made you ashamed, and every mistake that has made you feel less than yourself. With the same kindness that you would show a friend, read each sentence aloud. As you read each sentence, allow yourself to gently let it go and ultimately heal.

A fashion stylist and former women's fit technologist, author Lakeysha-Marie Green utilizes her experience in the fashion industry combined with her personal journey to self-discovery to help women transform their appearance from the inside out. Her first book, The Seeds of Beauty, tells an inspiring story of restoring unconditional self-love and genuinely radiating your beauty from within. Visit http://www.theseedsofbeauty.com/ and download your Free Inner Beauty Affirmation to begin your own beautiful makeover today.

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How powerful are those three affirming words, "I Choose Me"? They are so powerful that just by affirming, believing and feeling them, you can release yourself from any unhealthy attachment to a situation or to others. Many individuals tend to lose themselves in unhealthy relationships because they are waiting on their Partner to choose them over someone else. Sadly, that is how they give away their power. Waiting on someone to choose you or to acknowledge you gives them the power to manipulate and control you. I'm sure that is not what you want.

Many of you, especially women, were taught to be pleasers from a very early age. Even more so if you were raised extremely religious as I was. So coupled with being female and trying to be the "good girl" I went out on a limb to please everyone and if someone was unhappy I thought that I was the reason or that it was my responsibility to make them happy again. You can imagine the toll that took on me as a young child being made to feel that I was responsible for the problems of others. Then as a young lady it was pushed into me that I needed to be for a man. That meant that I needed to do everything necessary to prove to a man that I'm a good woman, therefore, I'm the best choice to be his wife. If a man didn't "pick me" I thought it was because I did not do something to his satisfaction. Sadly, the boys around me were taught the same thing and if they weren't taught directly, they learned it from watching the male-female adults as they interacted with each other. Did I also mention that I was also a "middle-child", so I was ignored a lot or I should say, I was often left to my own devices.

As I grew into an Adult I joined the feminist movement, albeit in my head and I declared that I will not be for a man. So what did I do? I ignored relationships. While other women were chasing down relationships to get married and have children I decided to be single and live my life as I please. I would use and discard men like they were old newspapers. Yes, I was the female version of a "dog", a title I wore proudly. That attitude served me well for several years until I decided I was tired of that life. I started to get more into Spirituality and decided that I wanted a different existence. That was when I decided that I needed to work on myself from deep within, otherwise I would never have a meaningful relationship with myself or with others. I began to realize that subconsciously I was waiting for a man to pick me even though consciously I knew better. My parents were not emotionally present in my life and being the middle-child, I was not the cute baby enough or old enough to be noticed. Except for when my baby sister decided she wanted my toys after she had broken hers and my mother would take them away from me and give to her. From that point on, I felt that I was not important and so I searched for others to validate me and when they didn't I felt that I needed to work more so they would be pleased by me. If they didn't choose to be with me I would then think that something was wrong with me.

Sadly, when it comes to intimate relationships there are women and men, who wanting to be the chosen one, is one of the main reasons why they get so upset and heart-broken when their partner cheats or have an affair. They link it directly to them thinking their partner doesn't want them anymore so they breakdown. Do you see how much misery you put yourselves in when you wait for or want someone to choose you. Not to mention that kind of insecurity holds you captive in a relationship that is not healthy.

One day while going through one of my private bouts with hell, I decide that I was tired of waiting on others to choose me. I am a Grown Woman who has accomplished so much and so I don't need to wait to be chosen. I CHOOSE ME! I can get up and create my life so that others will want to be a part of it.

When you begin to affirm to yourself, "I Choose Me", look how much more powerful you start to feel. Believe it, feel it, live it! Becoming and being powerful in yourself allows you to walk away from any relationship that is keeping you stagnant and is not helping you to grow. Starting today and going forward begin to choose you and watch how you will be able to proclaim your freedom from family and friends that never treated you as if you were good enough. Now you have proclaimed and validated yourself to be the best you!

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About The Author:
Trudy-Ann Ewan is a Motivational Speaker, Author and Coach, who is passionate about helping individuals create their passionate life. She motivates and educates individuals on how to fall in love with themselves and create a balanced and (W)holistic life by developing a better relationship with themselves without judgment. Sign up for the free "Your Passionate Life" Monthly Newsletter at: http://www.createyourpassion.com/

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