Self Esteem

Introduction

In this blog, we will explore the importance of building a relationship with yourself and how it can positively impact your attachment style. While attachment styles are not directly discussed, we will delve into the concept of self-love and self-trust as key factors in attachment healing. This blog aims to provide practical advice and insights on how to develop a strong relationship with yourself and show up for yourself in a way that promotes healing from within.

Step 1: Building Self-Trust through Accountability

One of the most important steps in building a relationship with yourself is establishing accountability. It is not enough to simply tell yourself that you love and accept yourself; you must also show up for yourself. Actions speak louder than words, and by consistently following through on your commitments and goals, you build self-trust.

Start small and set achievable goals. For example, commit to a daily routine or task that you will complete for a set period of time. By honoring your promises to yourself, you provide evidence that you can depend on yourself. This builds the foundation of self-love and self-accountability, which are essential for a healthy relationship with yourself.

Step 2: Recognizing and Establishing Boundaries

Understanding and setting boundaries is crucial in any relationship, including the one you have with yourself. It is important to be aware of how your body responds when a boundary has been crossed. Different attachment styles may experience different physical sensations when boundaries are violated.

Take the time to identify these physical feelings and recognize when a boundary has been crossed. This awareness allows you to respond with self-compassion and take appropriate action to protect your boundaries. Boundaries can be behavioral, thought-based, or emotional, and learning to set and respect them is key to building a healthy relationship with yourself.

Step 3: Fulfilling Unmet Needs and Establishing Healthy Boundaries

Often, crossing our own boundaries is a result of unmet needs seeking fulfillment. Instead of relying on others to meet these needs, it is essential to find healthier ways to fulfill them within ourselves. By recognizing the unfulfilled needs that lead to boundary violations, we can find alternative ways to satisfy them.

Take the time to reflect on what these needs are and how you can meet them in a way that respects your boundaries. This might involve practicing self-compassion, self-care, or finding alternative sources of validation and support. By developing healthier ways to fulfill your needs, you can avoid crossing your own boundaries and foster a more loving relationship with yourself.

Step 4: Divorcing Fault from Responsibility

Understanding the distinction between fault and responsibility is crucial in building a healthy relationship with yourself. Fault implies blame, while responsibility refers to taking ownership of your actions and choices. It is important to recognize that not everything that happens is your fault, and yet, you still have a responsibility to take action and create positive change in your life.

Avoidance spectrum types may tend to take on excessive responsibility for their lives, while anxious types may blame external factors for their struggles. Finding a balance between fault and responsibility is essential. By acknowledging that some things are beyond your control, you can focus on the aspects of your life that you can change and take responsibility for.

Step 5: Establishing Open Communication with Yourself

Developing a strong and open line of communication with yourself is essential in building a healthy relationship. Just as you would communicate with employees in a company, you need to regularly check in with yourself. By creating a routine or journaling practice, you can reflect on what went well and what could be improved.

Approach this communication with neutrality and curiosity, avoiding self-judgment or evaluation. The goal is to observe your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and identify patterns or areas for growth. By consistently engaging in open communication with yourself, you can deepen your understanding and strengthen your relationship.

Conclusion

Building a healthy relationship with yourself is a transformative journey that requires self-trust, boundary-setting, fulfilling unmet needs, divorcing fault from responsibility, and establishing open communication with yourself. By following these steps, you can foster self-love, self-accountability, and ultimately, heal your attachment style from within. Remember, everyone's process is unique, so adapt these steps to what resonates with you. Start small, be patient, and embrace the opportunity to create a loving and fulfilling relationship with yourself.

"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's funny how we've spent our whole life with ourselves, but sometimes the person in the mirror can be the hardest one to get to know. And it goes without saying that it's difficult to truly appreciate something or someone you don't understand. When building confidence and self-esteem, the single most important thing you can do is to rebuild the internal relationship that you have with yourself. Numbers speak volume and it's difficult for negativity to go up against the positive power of Me, Myself and I.

Before diving into how to get to know yourself better and reconstructing self-trust, it's important to begin by making a commitment to stand by the single person who has a hand in all of your decisions, you. Here is an Affirmation of Inner Beauty taken from The Seeds of Beauty, to remind you of the relationship you must continually build with yourself no matter what your stage in life.

[Speak Your Name],

To you, I will never be a fair weather friend.

When you are afraid, I will give you the courage to step forward,

If ever you make a mistake, I will never lose faith in you.

And when you begin to doubt how beautiful you are, I will remind you.

Today and every day I promise to always stand by you.

You are me. I am you.

I Love You.

Print this affirmation and post it in a visible place within your office or home.

It comes as no surprise that building a positive self-esteem starts with getting to know yourself again and this will require that you regularly devote some down-time to spend with yourself. What's your favorite movie, place to visit or song to listen to? Set aside time in your schedule to do these things. Fall in love with who you are by supporting yourself and bringing out the best in you through your interests.

What can action steps can I take to build a better relationship with myself?

When we're on a date and getting to know someone, the first thing we do is ask questions. So why not do the same for yourself? Start by asking yourself the following:

What values are important to me?What are my dreams for the future?What makes me afraid?What do I dislike?How do I envision myself to be?The thing that would mean the most to me right now is...

The key is to be honest in your answers. Pay attention to your likes/dislikes. What things are hardest for you to admit to yourself?

After letting myself down so many times in the past, I struggle with trusting myself. What can I do to reconnect?

Reconnecting to who you are and building a better relationship with yourself begins with forgiveness. We all make mistakes and if you hold your mistakes over your head like a guillotine ready to punish you the each time you make a mistake, you do yourself more harm than good. Take a blank sheet of paper and fill in the following sentence:

I forgive myself for...
List out every misstep that has made you angry, every mistake that has made you ashamed, and every mistake that has made you feel less than yourself. With the same kindness that you would show a friend, read each sentence aloud. As you read each sentence, allow yourself to gently let it go and ultimately heal.

A fashion stylist and former women's fit technologist, author Lakeysha-Marie Green utilizes her experience in the fashion industry combined with her personal journey to self-discovery to help women transform their appearance from the inside out. Her first book, The Seeds of Beauty, tells an inspiring story of restoring unconditional self-love and genuinely radiating your beauty from within. Visit http://www.theseedsofbeauty.com/ and download your Free Inner Beauty Affirmation to begin your own beautiful makeover today.

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Do you want to be the perfect YOU? The truth is that the perfect YOU already exists! You just need to uncover it in order to discover it. Having high self-esteem makes all the other things in your life much easier. Think about all the skills and talents that you have. If you will have the confidence to really use them they will become much more useful to you. The capacity to boost your self esteem will open many new doors in your life.

Before looking at the strategies for building higher self esteem let's have a look at what keeps you away from having it.

Approval addicted... When you have the feeling that the approval or the disapproval of other people has too much effect on the way you feel about yourself just stop giving so much weight to them. The opinion of others is based on their beliefs and has nothing to do with you. There will always be someone who has an opinion about you.

To expect perfection... Nobody is good at being perfect because it is never achievable. It is great looking for more possibilities once you reached a level of perfection. But don't always ask for perfection in order to feel useful.

Your Mood... We all sometimes have emotional conditions where we don't feel confident. But people who acquired a sense of self esteem that is detached from their feelings are able to keep the sense of self-worth even if their feelings are hurt. There will be different times when you are tired, frustrated or depressed but you should not allow these emotions to influence your view of yourself.

Building Strong Self-Esteem

Now let's have a look at a few ways to build a strong self esteem.

Self-Talk. Certain things will harm your self esteem even more that the way that you talk to yourself. The voice that you hear in your head strongly influences you. If you want to raise your self esteem you have to pay attention to your self-talk and start talking to yourself so that you will build self-respect. Make a list of positive affirmations.

Your Strengths. Don't concentrate on correcting your weaknesses but rather focus on building your strengths.

Active Involvement. Self esteem is best manifested in actions therefore come up with a list of goals that will help you feel more comfortable and get to work on them. Finally set up the plan of action for achieving them. These behaviors will influence your beliefs about yourself and raise your self esteem.

http://www.bodybeautysoul.com/

Go ahead and set your first goal right now, and get to work!

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It's amazing how we are sometimes controlled by others. Not only physically, but emotionally.

What is the one thing you have always wanted to do and never did because of people's opinions or disparaging remarks?

When we are young, we have our parents to tell us what is right or wrong, or tell us what we must or must not do. Well, we are beyond that now We are grown ups and should be able to decide what we want to do with our lives. That's all well and good, but as we get older we are afraid to make a change and sometimes we ask others for their advice. We think it is a method of security to ask others if we should do something or not, but it can be discouraging and a real downer.

I had always wanted to go to college. My parents were able to afford it, but back in the 50's it wasn't stressed as much as it is now. Especially for women, college wasn't stressed, or if you did go, they figured you would be married at a young age, have a family and your college education would go to the wayside. I never fought or persisted the idea of going to college. It was different then. Now, of course, college is encouraged for women and men. I did well even though I didn't go to college, working in an office with a few business courses under my belt, but it wasn't what I really wanted to do.

One of my goals was to learn Italian. I am presently taking a course now. It's not easy, especially when you get older to retain what you learn. However, I am sticking with my guns and I am determined to learn Italian. My dad was born in Sicily, and I always promised him I would eventually learn Italian and I will. I am only sorry that he isn't around to hear me speak his native tongue.

Instead of going to college, I worked for a while, met my husband of 43 years, and had three children and three grandchildren. I wouldn't trade them for the world. They are a major part of my life. I started to paint again, which was also one of my earlier goals, after my youngest daughter and son left the nest. I had all those rooms in the house that were empty. One of them had to be a studio... for moi. I started painting with watercolor and also began my business shortly thereafter.

I am now writing books--women's fiction. Writing is one of the next goals I had set for myself and I am enjoying this more than anything else. My books are here to encourage women to follow their dreams and not be discouraged no matter what anyone says.

You are the master!

You control your desires!

Go out there and find what you left behind many years ago!

Maybe you would like to extend your education, loss weight, travel, learn a language, open a business, or just get in touch with someone you haven't seen in a while or someone you have drifted apart from. This is the time to do it... don't wait and say I should have, could have. Do It! You will be a better person for making up your own mind. You will feel good about yourself. And others will admire you. You will certainly get a boost of self-confidence. After all, don't all people, young or old, need a boost once in a while?

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"Today, I will have no competition or comparison. I will simply be me, and that is enough." -Unknown

It's safe to say that I was never meant to be anyone other than myself. So, what was with this business of comparing myself to someone else?

Honestly? Sometimes it made me feel better about myself but more often than not I felt worse. It may seem obvious, but one of the most challenging things for me to grasp was the internal damage done to ourselves through comparison. By comparing ourselves to others, we diminish the light that allows us to shine the brightest and be the best at the only thing that truly matters; being ourselves.

There is no person who can smile like you, no person who can light up the room with your laugh nor is there anyone who can replicate the beautiful thing that happens when you put your heart to something. We all feel the pull of our imperfections from time to time, but just remember that the only person who can ever go the furthest in your life, is you.

What is one of the most important steps that I take to stop comparing myself to others?

Get to the heart of the matter. Identify and acknowledge specifically what it is that causes you to compare yourself to others. Are you afraid that you will not be appreciated and accepted as you are? Has someone repeatedly told you that you were not as good as someone else? Is comparison a tool that you use to justify your current state (i.e. I'll never be as successful as her because... )?

By acknowledging and addressing these vulnerabilities, you allow yourself to heal.

When I read statuses on Facebook or run into old friends, I begin comparing myself to others and it can easily get me down. How can I change this?

Recognize and remind yourself that you have your own unique path to follow. Your happiness is not created nor determined by someone else's journey, it's determined by yours. Each bend in the road, every break down and every triumph has shaped you into the person you are today. Never let anyone take that wisdom, strength and courage from you through comparison. Send them a blessing for their happiness and shine at the one thing they can never do -being you.

How can I identify the good things about me?

When you are caught up in the comparison game it's hard to see how valuable you are as a person because you shadow your own assets with another's achievements. Here are two ways that you can jump-start the internal conversation of why you rock:

Think about your life 5 years ago and your life right now. What are three things that you can do today that you were unable to do before?List out at minimum three things that you are good at. Think about what you are passionate about, or think of the times when you received positive feedback and gratitude from others.

Celebrate these strengths and review how you can apply them to your life on grander scale for a more fulfilling existence.

A fashion stylist and former women's fit technologist, author Lakeysha-Marie Green utilizes her experience in the fashion industry combined with her personal journey to self-discovery to help women transform their appearance from the inside out. Her first book, The Seeds of Beauty, tells an inspiring story of restoring unconditional self-love and genuinely radiating your beauty from within. Visit http://www.theseedsofbeauty.com/ and download your Free Inner Beauty Affirmation to begin your own beautiful makeover today.

View the original article here

Over the last few decades, I've noted a few folks have called me a narcissist, personally I think that is ridiculous, but not too surprising considering our low self-esteem society. Worse, the Facebook generations are proving to be quite problematic with their incessant need for self-validation. You'd think that, "it takes one to know one" would be a reasonable attribute here?

Apparently not, and there is a rather interesting theory I have on all this, namely, there is a difference between an earned ego, and a non-earned ego. Writing cool stuff about yourself on Facebook doesn't make for a solid ego, yes, let's talk shall we?

There is a very good research paper published in the Journal of Personality; Volume 62, Issue 1, pages 143-155, March 1994. The report is titled; "Narcissistic Illusions in Self-Evaluations of Intelligence and Attractiveness," by Marsha T Gabriel, Joseph W. Critelli and Julana S. Ee. In a study with 146 college university students, the research noted in the abstract that;

"Narcissism predicted both types of illusion for males and females; self-esteem predicted intelligence self-illusion for males. Both sexes overestimated their own intelligence, with males, but not females, also overestimating their attractiveness. Positive illusions for intelligence and attractiveness were correlated. Males showed greater positive illusions than females, with this effect at least partly attributable to observed gender differences in narcissism."

Since this deals with the intelligence of college students, and since we have a bit of grade inflation going on, and since they've done well in school to get to college, obviously they've been told they are smart and since they've gotten decent grades they now believe themselves to be of high intelligence, they do, but that doesn't make it so.

Indeed, it would be my theory that perhaps no one probably ever told them that cheating on tests in school or the ability to cram information into their memory mostly short and medium term has very little to do with actual intelligence. Chimpanzees are pretty good at memorizing where food has been placed for a few weeks at a time too, even better than humans in fact.

Those who exude self-confidence because they are good at something and know it, have an earned ego, those who think they are great for breathing the air and getting a certificate for showing up and participating have an unearned ego, and probably believe the world revolves around them, we all know it doesn't. This constant reinforcement of false belief, perhaps to get students to take out huge student loans to continue their education, is bound to lead to narcissism. Thankfully, I don't have these problems, how about you? Please consider all this and think on it.

Lance Winslow has launched a new provocative series of eBooks on Self Help Concepts. Lance Winslow is a retired Founder of a Nationwide Franchise Chain, and now runs the Online Think Tank; http://www.worldthinktank.net/

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You probably don't need me to tell you that shyness is likely to hold you back and hamper your success at work. After all, success means more money when you have a job so it's time you stopped sitting on the sidelines watching your colleagues grab the opportunities that you really deserve. Follow this 3 step plan and you'll be achieving and progressing at work in no time at all.

If shyness is a problem for you in the workplace then you have probably missed many chances of promotion and career opportunities in the past.

The bitter pill of disappointment is a hard one to swallow when you witness your colleagues take the spotlight and get the promotions while you stay where you are.

Sure, you have all the skills and abilities that your employer is looking for, but shyness at work will never get you noticed. It's usually confidence and personality that leads you to success so it's time to stop wasting your potential talent.

So, these three steps will help you deal with your shyness at work and set you on the path to success.

Start Building Relationships With Work Colleagues.
Pluck up courage to make simple small talk with your work-mates during coffee and lunch breaks about non work related issues. Try to get involved and join in after work activities or go for an after-work drink. You want to get to know your colleagues better and build rapport. You never know, a good word or recommendation could one day be to your benefit.
Create Opportunities.
Opportunities and chances for progression will not come looking for you. You have to pursue them yourself. Grab every opportunity you can to engage and build rapport with your boss and line management. Be alert to opportunities and let your boss know you're interested in progressing.
Sell Yourself.
Don't be afraid and timid when it comes to sharing your past achievements and successes. You don't want to come across as "cocky" but if you stay quiet, no-one will ever notice you. After all, good performance should be seen and rewarded so it's down to you to get yourself noticed.

I know this all may sound "easier said than done" so try to visualize yourself talking confidently with your boss and colleagues. Really try to picture yourself in your mind as someone who is able to communicate with confidence at work. Stop letting shyness control your life. We all spend a lot of time at work so you really should do your best to enjoy it.

Follow these simple 3 steps towards dealing with shyness at work, then when a promotion or opportunity comes along it will be you who succeeds and not someone-else.

For more information on dealing with shyness at work, and to download a complimentary report to help conquer shyness, simply visit: http://www.shyness-meeting-people.com/

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